Is my grief normal?
Yes, everyone wonders this.
Grief may show itself…
Physically
Crying, exhaustion, physical pain, changes in sleep and/or appetite, heart racing, stomach aches, headaches
Emotionally
Sadness, longing, anger, anxiety, worry, guilt, numbness, despair, anguish, torment
Socially
Isolation, changes in behavior, feeling detached, social withdrawal
Spiritually
Existential questions, purpose of life, meaning of death, the “whys”
Cognitively – “Grief Brain”
Decreased concentration, inattention, forgetfulness, preoccupation, sense of detachment
People may have none, some, or all of the experiences listed above, and we would consider this “typical” grief. However, if you are ever concerned about the way in which you are grieving, please reach out to a professional.
Grief Models
Dual Process Model
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Stress that comes from focusing on and processing loss
Expression and experience of various emotions associated with loss
Longing, missing, and yearning for the person who died
Secondary losses - loss of identity, roles, dreams, health, etc.
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How one works to rebuild life
Adjustment to new identities and roles
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Confronting our grief at times and seeking respite from grief others
Tonkin’s Model of Grief
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Initially, grief is all consuming, but in time, people learn to grow around it
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We never "get over" grief. Instead, we learn to "move forward with it.
Continuing Bonds
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Promotes a continued bond with the person who died
We carry our loved one and our love for them throughout our lives
Staying connected to the deceased is normal and helps one cope
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The relationship develops and changes along with us
We relate to our loved ones differently at different phases of life
For instance, how we might relate to our child in our 40s may look different when we are in our 50s)
Grief ebbs and flows, while depression remains consistent
People with depression feel sad or low all of the time, while with people who are grieving may have periods of joy or other positive emotions.
Depression can impact how one sees oneself. It can cause the person to have poor self-esteem, negative self-worth and overall feel poorly about themselves.
Though people may think about dying in both grief and depression, with grief they may have the urge to join their loved one who died without plan or intent to take their own life. With depression, people may actively consider suicide as a way to end suffering.
Grief and loss can both be risk factors for suicide, so if you’re concerned about thoughts about killing your self please call 9-8-8 (US Crisis Line) or the police.
Though grief is a normal experience, remember, if you have lost someone and have a history of depression, you may be at risk for another depressive episode. Please talk to your doctor or a professional about your symptoms and possible treatment.
